Reflections

I have always wanted to have lots of children of my own. All I did in high school was work in different day cares. When I was 18, I started a 2 and 3 year old's choir. I just love children and the Lord has allowed me to minister from infants all the way to teenagers. The one problem is I've not been succesful in having children of my own. I thought that I had given it over to the Lord before because I just knew He was going to give me one eventually. This was me:

1. I thought that if I had kids everything would be taken care of- I wouldn't be lonely, I would finally  be happy and fulfilled, I wouldn't feel like I was the only one without a child, etc.

2. I started questioning God and even thinking maybe I did something wrong to cause my childlessness. I thought that maybe He was dissappointed in me and didn't think I deserved a child.

3. I used Scripture to explain to God why I deserved a child- but Lord you said you would give me the desires of my heart! or Lord you commanded us to multiply in the earth to show your glory so I need a child to do that! I was using Scripture to explain to God why He should give me what I want.

4. I just got down right whiny reminding God of all the things I thought were wrong in my life- my health problems, my lack of friends, financial situation, etc.  No other word for that except like the Israelites- "murmuring and complaining."

What's the problem with this picture? How many of these things start with "I." All of it. And while I didn't want to admit it, I wasn't trying to do God's will here- I was expecting Him to do my will. I thougt that for sure God would give me children and when He didn't my "true colors" began to appear- I wanted children for myself.The problem I realized was that I was setting conditions for God. Although I didn't want to admit it, I had put having children on a pedestal above my relationship with the Lord. So why is that a problem, you say? What is our purpose as Christians? We know it but don't really know what it means to apply it to our lives. My purpose is to glorify God and do His will. Plain and simple, that's it. How do I know this?

Romans 12:2 "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

 I Peter 2:15-16 "For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men: As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God."

I Peter 3:17-18"For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.
For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit:"

I could go on forever here. The Bible is full of people that followed God's will with Christ being our supreme. Can you imagine the weight of the sin's world on His shoulders? I can't. So what's my point you ask? I know that you might feel as I do- but this doesn't take away my desire to have children or whatever your desire may be- to get the perfect job, to find the perfect husband/wife for you, etc. That desire doesn't go away, but it can be fulfilled without actually having the thing you hope for come to pass. Wait a second, did I say that right? Yes I did. Let's look at the verse that I myself misused-  Psalm 37:4 "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."
Let's read what the chapter continues to say in verse 23 "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." What does the Bible say about our hearts?  Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Ok so our heart on our own is deceitful and desparately wicked. So obviously, the desire of our heart as in our own desires are not what the Lord is referencing here. It says here that the person who delights in the Lord follows God's will!! Verse 23 says that the man who delights in God's way is good because the steps he takes forward are ordered and directed by the Lord- so when we delight in the Lord which encompasses all of these facets of living- the desires of our heart are the desires of the Lord's heart for us.
And we can rest in the desires of the Lord's heart for us!! Why you say?
 Phi. 2:13 "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure."
 Jer. 33:3 "Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not. "
Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Oh beloved brother or sister, God's will is a place of love, security, and blessings. What if I am suffering you say? I know that I may never have children, and that's ok with me now. Why? Because God's will and glory is my purpose and His will is a place of blessing and absolute joy. One that I need to rest and rejoice in. When you let go of your expectations, and know that every thing the Lord gives you or allows you to experience is part of his revealing in you, you don't have to worry or become depressed over the lack of your expectations being filled. His expectations for you is a great and mighty thing which you know not! Oh beloved, rest in Him and Be still and KNOW that HE alone is GOD.

I Peter 4:12-13"Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy." The sufferings we endure are but for a moment and are blessings- every circumstance, every dissapointment, everything is for our good only, and His glory to be revealed in you! And know that while you may not see the whole picture on earth, the Lord sees and knows your faithfulness and your riches in Heaven will be great to put before our Saviour's feet. Praise Him for saving you and making you His own!

 Please read Psalm 37 in entirety. Rest in His power and love. He is enough- we don't need anything else. We can be fulfilled because He lives in us and is the only thing that will fulfill us totally.
 I want to close with the lyrics to this song. Rest in Him, Beloved the Author and Finisher of your Faith!

"You Are I Am" by Mercy Me

I've been the one to shake with fear
And wonder if You're even here
I've been the one to doubt Your love
I've told myself You're not enough

I've been the one to try and say
I'll overcome by my own strength
I've been the one to fall apart
And to start to question who You are

You're the one who conquers giants
You're the one who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe
You're the one who walks through fire
You take the orphan's hand
You are the one Messiah
You are I am
You are I am

I've been the one held down in chains
Beneath the weight of all my shame
I've been the one to believe
That where I am You cannot reach

You're the one who conquers giants
You're the one who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe
You're the one who walks through fire
You take the orphan's hand
You are the one Messiah
You are I am
You are I am

The veil is torn
And now I live with the Spirit inside
The same one, the very same one
who brought the Son back to life

Hallelujah, He lives in me
Hallelujah, He lives in me
Hallelujah, He lives in me
Hallelujah, He lives in me